I’ve been praying for a miracle.

I’ve had a nagging health issue for nearly 20 years now. In the spirit of Paul with his thorn in the side, I won’t name it. But it’s a drag. And as the years have progressed, it’s gotten draggier.

I’ve done plenty of things to fix it–medicine, procedures, lifestyle changes–but here it remains. It typically comes and goes, but lately it’s been hanging around a LOT. And at this point, the next steps to maybe fix it are pretty scary. So, I’m trying to live with it. Rather, I’m living with it and trying not to whine.

But first, I prayed for miraculous healing. I believe wholeheartedly in miracles. I’ve seen them and heard about them and read about them. And yes, I’ve even experienced them. Miracles really do happen–no doubt. So why not ask for this? “You do not have because you do not ask.” (James 4:2)

I prayed. I invited others to pray with me. And for nearly six weeks I had relief. The symptoms resolved. People (including my doctor) asked what I did, and I told them prayer and B vitamins. And I dared hope I had my miracle.

Until the symptoms returned. This wasn’t miraculous healing; it was a temporary reprieve.

And so, I’m living with it and trying not to whine. (While still praying for a miracle.)

But here’s the thing. I know God’s in the business of miracles whether he does this one or not. And I trust that if he doesn’t do it, then, somehow, someway, it’s for my good. “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

I love God. I’ve been called according to his purpose. I hate this struggle and long for it to go away. I alternate between trusting this, too, is for my good and shaking my fist at my Father who loves me but won’t pull out this thorn.

I don’t know who you are, reading all the way to the end of this–what–confession? But if you, too, are struggling I want you to know God loves you, miracle or no miracle.

I believe in him with my whole heart. He’s already done so much more for me than I could ever deserve. He chose me, rescued me, and gave me the promise of life everlasting with HIM (where I will be in perfect health). That’s one miracle that’s mine and yours already–all we have to do is accept it.

And even on the days when this weak, selfish, human body of mine cries out that it’s not enough, I know that it is.

I know that it’s more than enough.