Embracing My Fraudulent Self

Tiara
God’s princess–even if I am weak and foolish!

I have a confession to make.

I’m a fraud.

Oh sure, I’ve had a couple of books published and have been contracted for a third. Yes, people have read those books and even liked them. There have been some good reviews and a couple of awards.

But it’s only because no one has caught on yet.

I look around the writing world and see writers dedicated to their craft. Authors who carefully research, who plot, who pin down every detail and spell every word right. They actually know the grammar instead of just intuiting or guessing like I so often do.

These are the ladies and gentlemen at writers’ conferences who take meticulous notes and ask brilliant questions. They can rattle off their elevator pitches and are always prepared to impress editors and agents. Once they have a contract, they meet every deadline, and are marketing whizzes.

They know what they’re doing and are always striving to do better.

Me? I’m just a fraud, faking it until someone catches on and kicks me out.

Except.

I once confessed my feeling that somehow any success I’d enjoyed was more luck than skill. More chance than effort or brilliance on my part. And do you know what my friend said? She said she felt exactly the same way.

So I’ve asked a few other friends. Guess what? Most of them, at least some of the time, feel like frauds, too.

And I’m guessing you’ve felt that way at one time or another as well. Not good enough. Not smart enough. Like everyone around you is doing something brilliant and will soon realize how clueless you are. And then they’ll call you out. Ask you the question you can’t answer. Pull back the curtain and reveal the fact that you’re just pulling random levers hoping for a good result.

But wait, before you give up and throw in the towel–there’s this.

I Corinthians 1:27-29 –  Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him.”

Oh right. I’m NOT good enough. I AM a fraud. But God is the real deal and as long as I strive to step back and give Him room to work through me, all will be well and it won’t matter that I’m weak and foolish. I won’t need to boast–I can just point toward God and give him the credit.

Now that’s good enough for me.

15 thoughts on “Embracing My Fraudulent Self

  1. Oh, I LOVE this!!
    I often feel like a pretender, not a “writer”. Especially with grammar!
    When it comes to grammar, I totally wing it, with the highly scientific “this sounds right” method.
    I am so thankful that God takes our fraudulent selves and uses us to light the way to Him.

    And hey, nice tiara!! It’s real, right?

  2. Pingback: » Embracing My Fraudulent Self

  3. Becky Wade

    “Me? I’m just a fraud, faking it until someone catches on and kicks me out.” Ha! Yep. I feel this way. Especially when confronted with starting a new novel. I’m always aware that how much of a flat out, mysterious, stupefying MIRACLE it was that I was able to put the past books together and am at least 60% certain that I’ll never be able to do it again. 🙂

    1. Exactly! I usually think I can write another book until I’m about 20 pages in and then I realize it’s probably impossible and the previous books were flukes! Good thing God doesn’t leave it up to me . . .

  4. yeah, yeah, yeah. you’re human. god has nothing to do with it. the ‘i am a fraud’ thing is common among creative types. it’s sort of a badge that makes you part of the club. keep writing.

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