But I don’t WANT to give it up . . .
Let’s see how I’m doing. Bible reading and study–check. Keeping up with my blog–check. Keeping up with my writing–check. Completing tasks at work–check. Walking Thistle twice just about every day even when the weather’s not perfect–check.
Not snacking on junk between meals–uhhhh. Hmmm. Completing housekeeping tasks–weeeell . . . Exercising (beyond the dog walking)–I’m just SO busy. Being patient with and forgiving other people–aaagh!
Taking stock got me to thinking about the areas where my self-control is, um, lacking. And the REAL problem is that I don’t particularly want to control those areas. What I want is to eat donuts and munch on chips. I want the dust to magically disappear and my husband to clean the toilet. I want walking Thistle to be enough exercise for Pete’s sake. And I want people to act right so I don’t have to be patient or forgiving.
The areas where I’m doing reasonably well are areas I enjoy. I like my quiet time and hanging out with the Bible study girls. I like blogging and writing novels. I like my job. And I enjoy watching Thistle romp through the woods on our walks.
And that’s the problem with sin. When I sin? I usually like it. Maybe not later. Certainly not when I reap the harvest, but right then. Oh yeah.
So my lesson this week isn’t about self-control. It’s about God-control. Because clearly, I can’t do this. Never could. In order to control myself, I have to give up control and let God take over. And before I can do that, I have to want to. I have to want His plan for me more than I want a donut. And if I’m completely honest about it, all too often I want the donut more.
Romans 7:15 – I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.